Emotions, Feelings, Thoughts and Moods

Stories, signs to notice and what to do

Not Angry, Just Tired

Sana, thirty-three, worked as an accountant in Hyderabad. For nearly a week she had been in what she called 'a mood'. She snapped at the auto driver, rolled her eyes at colleagues and felt that everyone was against her. Her husband Faisal asked what had happened, and she said, 'Nothing. I am just angry.'

Over dinner Faisal asked something different: 'Where in your body do you feel it?' Sana thought. Her jaw was tight, her shoulders were hunched, her stomach felt hollow. 'I think I am more tired and worried than angry,' she said. She realised she had slept five hours a night since a project deadline, and had skipped lunch most days.

Faisal explained an idea he had read: an emotion is a quick body reaction, like a flash of anger or fear. A feeling is what we make of it in our minds. A mood is a longer background state that lasts hours or days and colours how we read everything. Sana's irritable mood came partly from sleep loss and hunger, and her thoughts, such as 'nobody respects me', were adding fuel.

She tried naming the feeling with a more exact word: 'overwhelmed'. She ate a proper lunch, went to bed by eleven and wrote down what was worrying her. After three days the mood lifted. She told Faisal that naming the feeling had been like turning on a light in a dark room. If a low or irritable mood had lasted for weeks, they agreed she would speak to her doctor.

How to recognise it

• Irritable or flat mood lasting hours or days, with no clear single trigger.
• Body signs such as tight jaw, headache, stomach tension or heaviness.
• Using broad words like 'fine' or 'angry' for many different feelings.
• Poor sleep, skipped meals or stress feeding the mood.
• Mood that persists for weeks and affects work or home, which needs professional help.

What this story explains

This story shows the difference between emotions, feelings, thoughts and moods. It illustrates emotional awareness: naming the feeling precisely, noticing where it sits in the body and recognising what shapes the mood.

Probable root causes

• Sleep loss and skipped meals that lower tolerance.
• Work stress and unspoken worry.
• Thoughts that interpret others' actions in a harsh way.
• Hormonal, health or life-stage changes that affect mood.
• Limited emotional vocabulary that keeps feelings vague.

What to do

1. Pause and ask 'What am I actually feeling?' using a specific word.
2. Notice physical clues: jaw, chest, stomach, shoulders.
3. Check basics: sleep, food, water, movement.
4. Write down worries to reduce their weight.
5. Talk with a trusted person about the real feeling.
6. Seek professional help if a low or irritable mood lasts weeks.

Whom to consult

• Family doctor if mood changes last more than two weeks or come with physical symptoms.
• Counsellor for help with stress and emotional awareness.
• Clinical psychologist if mood problems keep returning or affect relationships.
• Psychiatrist if low mood is deep or comes with hopelessness.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Ask open questions in a gentle tone: 'Where do you feel it in your body?'
• Offer words without insisting: 'Could it be tiredness or worry rather than anger?'
• Listen and do not rush to fix.
• Avoid 'you are overreacting'.
• Share your own: 'I felt like that last week, and it was lack of sleep.'

I Always Fail

Vikram, forty, was an engineer in Chennai who had just delivered a client presentation. Most of it went well, but one slide had a mistake and a client frowned. By evening Vikram was certain: 'I always mess up. Everyone now thinks I am useless. I will be sacked.' He barely ate and replayed the frown in his mind until 2 a.m.

His wife Revathi, who had attended a workshop on thinking habits, sat down with him. She explained that the mind sometimes plays tricks called thinking traps. 'You are saying I always fail. That is all-or-nothing thinking. You are focusing on one frown and ignoring the rest, which is a mental filter. And you are jumping to conclusions that you will be sacked.'

She suggested a thought record. They wrote the situation, his feeling (shame, 80 out of 100), and his thought, 'I always mess up'. Then they listed evidence for the thought (one wrong slide) and against it (three successful projects this year, praise from his manager, the client's thanks at the end). Revathi asked, 'What would you tell a friend?' Vikram said he would tell him it was a small error that could be fixed. His balanced thought became, 'One slide had an error. Most of the work was strong. I can send a correction tomorrow.'

His shame dropped to 30 out of 100. He sent a short correction and slept. He later said the exercise did not remove the feeling but made it proportionate. If such thoughts had persisted for weeks with low mood, he agreed he would talk to a professional.

How to recognise it

• Words like always, never, everyone, nothing in self-talk.
• Focusing on one negative detail and ignoring the positives.
• Predicting disaster without evidence.
• Strong feelings such as shame, dread or sadness following an ordinary event.
• Avoiding work or tasks because of expected failure.

What this story explains

This story shows the cognitive triangle of thoughts, feelings and behaviour and common thinking traps such as all-or-nothing thinking, mental filter and jumping to conclusions. It shows the thought record as a practical tool for reaching a balanced thought.

Probable root causes

• Habitual self-critical thinking learned early in life.
• Perfectionism and fear of judgement.
• Stress and tiredness that make negative thoughts louder.
• Past experiences of criticism or failure.
• Low mood or anxiety that tilts thinking toward the worst.

What to do

1. Catch the thought and write it down exactly.
2. Rate the strength of the feeling from 0 to 100.
3. List evidence for and against the thought.
4. Ask what you would say to a friend in the same situation.
5. Write a fairer, balanced thought and rate the feeling again.
6. Seek professional help if distorted thinking stays strong for weeks or affects daily life.

Whom to consult

• Clinical psychologist trained in cognitive behavioural therapy for persistent negative thinking.
• Counsellor for stress, perfectionism and confidence issues.
• Family doctor if low mood, sleeplessness or anxiety accompany the thoughts.
• Psychiatrist if thoughts become hopeless or include self-harm; use the emergency number or nearest hospital if in danger.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Use a calm, curious tone: 'What is the evidence for that thought?'
• Say 'I can hear how hurtful that thought is. Shall we look at it together?'
• Listen first and do not dismiss feelings.
• Avoid saying 'you are being silly'.
• Offer the friend question: 'What would you say to a friend?'

The Pressure Cooker at Home

Mr Deshmukh, fifty-five, was a bank clerk in Nagpur known for his short fuse. One evening his son Aditya came home late. Mr Deshmukh shouted, slammed the door and threw a steel tumbler across the room. Aditya froze. His wife Sulochana went quiet, as she always did. Mr Deshmukh later felt a heavy mix of anger and shame but said nothing.

The next day, a friend from his morning walking group, Mr Kulkarni, told him that he had once felt the same. 'Anger is an emotion, and it is not wrong in itself. It is a messenger. But what we do with it matters.' He taught Mr Deshmukh to notice early signs: tight chest, hot face, clenched hands. He suggested a time-out: step away for ten to twenty minutes, breathe slowly, drink water and walk, and then return to the conversation.

The next time Aditya came home late, Mr Deshmukh felt the heat rise. He said, 'I am very angry right now. I need ten minutes and then we will talk,' and walked around the block. When he returned, he asked calmly why Aditya was late. Aditya explained that the bus had broken down and his phone had died.

Mr Deshmukh then apologised to the family for the earlier outburst. Sulochana later said it was the first time in years she had felt safe to speak at the table. He also agreed that if the anger kept erupting or frightened others, he would speak with a counsellor.

How to recognise it

• Sudden bursts of anger over small events, followed by shame.
• Early body signs: hot face, tight chest, clenched jaw or fists.
• Family members becoming quiet, fearful or avoiding the person.
• Anger used to hide hurt, worry or fear.
• Anger that is frequent, harmful to others or hard to control.

What this story explains

This story shows how to manage anger by recognising early signs, taking a time-out, cooling the body and returning to talk. It also shows that anger is an emotion that carries a message and can be handled without harm.

Probable root causes

• Stress from work or money that has no outlet.
• Learned habit of expressing strong feelings only through anger.
• Hidden worry, hurt or shame that shows up as anger.
• Poor sleep, hunger or alcohol that lower control.
• Little practice in naming other emotions.

What to do

1. Learn your early warning signs of anger.
2. Take a time-out of 10 to 20 minutes and tell others you will return.
3. Breathe slowly, drink water, and walk to cool the body.
4. Return and speak calmly about the problem, not the person.
5. Apologise and repair after any harm.
6. Seek professional help if anger leads to violence or fear at home.

Whom to consult

• Counsellor or clinical psychologist for anger management and emotional skills.
• Family doctor if anger comes with low mood, alcohol use or sleep problems.
• Psychiatrist if anger is intense, frequent and difficult to control.
• Emergency service if anyone is at risk of being harmed.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Use a low, slow voice and say: 'I am getting angry. I need ten minutes.'
• Afterwards, say 'I am sorry. You did not deserve that.'
• Listen to the other person's side without interrupting.
• Avoid 'you always' and 'you never'.
• If you are the one living with an angry person, stay calm, keep a safe distance and speak when things cool down.

Three O'Clock Worries

Elena, twenty-eight, was a graphic designer living in Madrid. Most nights she woke at three with her mind running: Did I send the right file? What if my contract is not renewed? Why did my sister sound distant on the phone? By morning she was drained, and during the day she kept replaying the same thoughts at her desk.

Her friend Marta told her about the difference between planning and rumination. 'Planning ends with an action. Rumination just goes round and round.' She suggested a few practices. First, set a worry time of fifteen minutes each evening. Write the worries down, then close the notebook. When a worry appears at other times, tell yourself, 'I will think about it at six.' Second, when a worry comes, ask, 'Is this useful? What is one small step?' Third, move attention to something in the present: a task, a person, a walk.

Elena tried it. At six she wrote five worries. Two had a clear small step, such as sending a quick message to her manager and calling her sister. Three had no step and she watched them lose power as she closed the notebook. She also practised mindful breathing for five minutes each morning and tried a self-compassion phrase when she made errors: 'This is hard, and I am doing my best.'

After a few weeks, the three o'clock wakings were fewer. Elena noticed that worry had become something she could schedule instead of something that ruled her. She agreed that if the worry stayed constant or started to affect her health, she would talk to a doctor or counsellor.

How to recognise it

• Repeating thoughts that go round without reaching a decision.
• Waking at night with worries and difficulty switching off.
• Tiredness, poor concentration and tension in the body.
• Worry about many topics at once, most of them 'what if'.
• Symptoms lasting weeks and interfering with sleep, work or relationships.

What this story explains

This story shows how to handle rumination and worry with a limited worry time, writing worries down, shifting attention and mindfulness. It also shows self-compassion as a gentle, helpful way to respond to errors.

Probable root causes

• Anxiety-prone temperament and habit of 'what if' thinking.
• Uncertainty about work, money or relationships.
• Poor sleep that makes worries feel larger at night.
• Perfectionism and harsh self-criticism.
• Too little time for rest, hobbies and relaxation.

What to do

1. Set a daily worry time of about fifteen minutes and postpone worries outside it.
2. Write worries down and close the notebook afterwards.
3. For each worry, ask 'Is this useful? What is one small step?'
4. Shift attention to a task, person or activity.
5. Practise mindfulness or slow breathing daily.
6. Seek professional help if worry is constant or affects health.

Whom to consult

• Family doctor if worry is constant, comes with sleeplessness or physical symptoms.
• Clinical psychologist or counsellor for talking therapy for worry and rumination.
• Psychiatrist if anxiety is severe or comes with low mood and loss of function.
• Trusted friend or support group for everyday sharing.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Speak softly: 'That sounds exhausting. Would it help to write it down together?'
• Listen without telling them to stop worrying.
• Offer a small step: 'Shall we do the one thing you can do today?'
• Avoid 'just relax' or 'don't think about it'.
• Say 'You do not have to handle everything alone.'

This book is for education and general awareness. It does not replace diagnosis or treatment by a qualified professional. If anyone is in danger, contact your local emergency services.