Workplace and Academic Stress

Stories, signs to notice and what to do

The Night Before the Board Exam

Ishaan, sixteen, in Kota, had been studying fourteen hours a day for months. His parents had sold a plot of land for his coaching fees. A month before the board exams, his marks fell and he began to say that he was a waste. He skipped meals, slept little and stopped speaking to friends.

In the mock test his mind went blank and his hands shook. He told his mother he felt sick and could not breathe. She told him to push through, "just a few more weeks."

His school counsellor noticed the drop in his marks, his absence and his hopeless remarks. She asked about sleep and mood, spoke to his parents about balanced expectations, and arranged a visit with a doctor, who assessed for anxiety and low mood. His parents told him that his worth was not a mark sheet. When he said he sometimes wished he would not wake up, his father stayed with him and called the local emergency service.

Ishaan did sit his exams, with the counsellor's support, a lighter study timetable and sleep restored. The doctor treated his anxiety and low mood, and the family agreed that if the result was disappointing, there were other routes. He told his mother later that hearing "you matter more than marks" was what let him breathe. He walked into the exam hall tired but steady.

How to recognise it

• A sudden fall in marks, absences, withdrawal and big mood changes.
• Blanking out or physical panic during tests.
• Poor sleep, poor appetite and constant tiredness.
• Talk of being a failure or a waste, or of hopelessness.
• Any wish to disappear or to die is an emergency sign.

What this story explains

This story shows that exam stress can help, but exam despair with hopelessness is different and needs early help. A mark sheet is not a diagnosis of a person.

Probable root causes

• Heavy academic pressure and family expectations tied to money or pride.
• Sleep loss and long study hours without rest.
• Anxiety or depression that may already be present.
• Comparison with peers and fear of letting the family down.

What to do

1. Notice the signs early: grades, sleep, mood, hopeless talk.
2. Reduce pressure; reset expectations as a family.
3. Protect sleep, food, movement and breaks.
4. Practise under exam-like conditions and teach a calm breathing routine.
5. Meet a school counsellor and a doctor if anxiety or low mood persists.
6. If there is talk of self-harm or suicide, stay with him and contact the local emergency number or go to the nearest hospital.

Whom to consult

• School counsellor for early support and exam adjustments.
• Family doctor, then a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist if anxiety or low mood continues.
• Teacher or tutor to adjust workload.
• Emergency services or hospital for any thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Say: "Your worth is not your result. We love you whatever the marks."
• Ask: "What is the hardest part right now?" and then listen.
• Keep your tone soft; avoid lectures before exams.
• Respond to hopeless words by staying: "I am here. Tell me more."
• Praise effort and rest.

The Inbox That Never Ends

Anjali, thirty-six, a team lead at a Chennai company, took on every request. She worked late, answered messages at dawn and skipped leave for two years. Her boss praised her. Inside, she felt that she was a fraud who would be found out.

She stopped enjoying her work. Sleep was broken, she was irritable with her children, and every email felt like a tiger. A small error in a report left her shaking. She thought, quietly, that her family might be better off without her.

A trusted colleague noticed the change and said, "How are you really?" Anjali cried. She told her manager she was overloaded, and together they made a realistic plan with fewer tasks and clear priorities. She took leave and saw her doctor, who treated her low mood and talked to her about the thought that her family would be better off without her. Anjali learnt that burnout is chronic load without recovery, not weak character.

Months later Anjali still has busy weeks, but she leaves at a fixed hour, and she takes her leave. Her manager now checks in regularly and asks how the team is really doing. Anjali started to write a list of her achievements, and when the fraud feeling comes she reads it. She said she had expected shame at asking for help, and found respect instead.

How to recognise it

• Constant exhaustion, loss of joy and cynicism about work.
• Working long hours, never taking leave and fearing being found out.
• Poor sleep, irritability and mistakes.
• Discounting success and overworking to prove oneself.
• Thoughts of being better off gone, which need urgent help.

What this story explains

This story shows overload, burnout and imposter feelings, and why taking leave and seeing a clinician are signs of responsibility. A manager's check-in can change the course.

Probable root causes

• Chronic overload with no recovery time and unclear roles.
• Perfectionism and fear of being found out.
• Poor sleep and no boundaries between work and home.
• A culture where saying no feels unsafe.

What to do

1. Name the load: hours, tasks, role clarity and who can help.
2. Protect sleep first, then add one recovery block that is not work in disguise.
3. Talk honestly to your manager and agree on realistic goals and priorities.
4. Take leave; see a doctor or counsellor if low mood or exhaustion persists.
5. Remind yourself of the evidence of your achievements and talk about the feeling with trusted colleagues.
6. If you have thoughts of being better off gone, tell someone now and contact the local emergency number or go to the nearest hospital.

Whom to consult

• Family doctor for exhaustion, sleep and low mood.
• A counsellor or clinical psychologist for burnout and perfectionism.
• Workplace HR or employee counselling service.
• Emergency services or the nearest hospital for thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• To your manager: "I am overloaded. Can we look at my priorities together?"
• Colleague: "How are you really? I have noticed you are tired."
• Listen with curiosity, not judgement.
• As a manager: keep confidentiality and offer flexibility.
• To yourself: "Resting is responsible, not weak."

The Boss Who Humiliated

Ravi, twenty-eight, a junior analyst in Mumbai, was shouted at in meetings by his senior, who mocked his accent and left him out of emails. It happened again and again. Ravi began dreading Sundays, lost sleep and made small mistakes because he was tense.

He believed he must become tougher. His friends said, "Just ignore him." But he felt humiliated and stopped eating lunch with the team.

A cousin who worked in HR told him this was bullying, not a test of resilience. She advised him to keep a record: dates, what was said, who saw it. Ravi spoke to a trusted senior colleague, then used the company's complaints process, and sought advice from a legal service. His doctor, hearing about his sleep and anxiety, offered support too. Ravi learnt that a safe workplace is something he deserves.

The complaint took time, and the process was not easy. Ravi's record helped, and two colleagues agreed to speak. The company moved him to another team and began an inquiry. He kept seeing his counsellor, slept better and began to join lunches again. He told his cousin that the hardest part was believing that it was not his fault, and that once he did, everything else became possible.

How to recognise it

• Repeated unfair treatment, humiliation, exclusion or abuse at work.
• Dread before work, poor sleep and anxiety.
• Self-blame and believing it is a personal failing.
• Pulling away from colleagues and loss of confidence.
• Physical signs such as headaches or stomach upset on work days.

What this story explains

This story shows bullying and harassment at work as a rights problem as well as a mood problem. Harassment is not a resilience exercise.

Probable root causes

• Power imbalance and a workplace culture that tolerates humiliation.
• Fear of losing the job or being judged.
• Lack of clear complaint routes or support.
• Isolation, which makes self-blame stronger.

What to do

1. Keep a record of dates, what happened and witnesses.
2. Speak to a trusted person, such as a senior colleague, friend or family member.
3. Use the organisation's complaints process and ask HR for help.
4. Seek advice from a union or legal service.
5. Protect your sleep, meals and time with people who care.
6. See a doctor if anxiety or low mood continue.

Whom to consult

• Family doctor or counsellor for anxiety, sleep and low mood.
• HR, union or legal service for complaints and rights.
• A trusted senior colleague as a witness and support.
• Emergency services or the nearest hospital if you feel unsafe or have thoughts of self-harm.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• To a friend: "I need you to hear this without fixing it."
• To HR: "I want to report repeated treatment. Here is my record."
• Listeners: "That sounds hard. I believe you."
• Stay factual and calm in writing.
• Do not mock or minimise: "It is not a joke."

The Day the Letter Came

Hassan, forty-five, worked at a firm in Birmingham after moving from Syria. He lost his job in a restructuring. He felt shock, then anger, then shame. He hid the letter from his wife for a week and left the house each morning as if still going to work.

Bills piled up unopened. He worked from the spare room on job applications, but he lost track of time, stopped dressing, and spoke to no one all day. His sleep fell apart. He missed his home town and the community he had left behind.

His wife found the letters and, instead of shouting, said, "We will deal with this together." They opened every bill, called creditors early, and sought free debt advice. Hassan set a routine, dressed for work, treated job hunting as a daily task with breaks, and rejoined his community centre. Because his low mood continued, he talked to a counsellor.

After a few weeks the days had shape. Hassan walked each morning, applied for two jobs, then helped with the children's homework. The debt adviser agreed a payment plan, and the weight in his chest lifted. His counsellor, who spoke Arabic, helped him mourn the home he had lost as well as the job. Months later he started a new role, and still goes to the community centre on Fridays.

How to recognise it

• Hiding job loss or bills from the family.
• Shock, anger, shame and fear, as in a bereavement.
• Loss of routine, poor sleep and isolation.
• Avoiding opening post or calling creditors.
• Low mood or anxiety that lasts beyond a few weeks.

What this story explains

This story shows job loss and insecurity as a kind of bereavement, with the effects of money worries, isolation and working or searching from home, and shows that routine, connection and early help work.

Probable root causes

• Sudden loss of income, identity and routine.
• Debt and shame that lead to hiding and avoidance.
• Isolation from friends, community and, for migrants, from home.
• Little structure at home and poor sleep.

What to do

1. Give yourself time to adjust, and tell your partner or someone you trust.
2. Open the post, list your bills and contact creditors early.
3. Seek free debt advice and check what benefits you may be entitled to.
4. Keep a daily routine: fixed start and finish, dress for the day, real breaks, movement.
5. Reach out to your network and community, and treat job hunting as a daily task with breaks.
6. See a counsellor or doctor if low mood or anxiety continues.

Whom to consult

• Family doctor if low mood, anxiety or sleep problems last.
• A counsellor, ideally culturally sensitive and in a language you understand.
• A free debt advice service and a job support service in your area.
• Emergency services or the nearest hospital if there are thoughts of self-harm.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Wife: "We will get through this together. Let us look at the bills side by side."
• Say it plainly: "I lost my job. I am scared."
• Listen without blaming.
• Offer practical help: "Shall I help you write the list?"
• Avoid "when will you get another job?" repeatedly.

The Daughter Who Carried Everyone

Grace, forty-two, in Nairobi, worked night shifts as a nurse, raised two teenagers and cared for her mother, who had dementia. She slept in snatches, skipped her own appointments and rarely saw friends. She told herself she could not rest because everyone needed her.

She became tearful, short-tempered and exhausted, and she worried constantly about money. She began to feel guilty for every minute she was not helping. One night she dropped a cup and sat on the kitchen floor crying.

Her brother, who lived nearby, saw her face and asked, "What can I take off your plate?" They shared the caring week by week. Grace joined a caregivers' group, arranged respite care, made her own health appointment, and spoke to her doctor about her low mood and the night shifts. She learnt that she could not do everything, and that asking for help is not failing her mother.

It was not easy to give up control. Grace's brother took Sunday and Monday, a neighbour helped on Wednesdays, and respite care offered a week in the summer. At the caregivers' group Grace learnt that guilt was normal. Her doctor adjusted her shift pattern advice and treated her low mood. She slept better, and she and her mother laughed together again over old photographs.

How to recognise it

• Constant exhaustion, tearfulness and irritability in a caregiver.
• Skipping own health care and cutting out friends or rest.
• Feeling guilty whenever taking a break.
• Disturbed sleep from shift work and night caring.
• Worry about money and the future, with feelings of being trapped.

What this story explains

This story shows caregiver burnout, shift-work strain and the sandwich of children and an ageing parent. Sharing the load, respite and keeping your own health appointments are not luxuries.

Probable root causes

• Long caring hours with no breaks and little help.
• Irregular shift work that upsets the body clock.
• Money strain and role overload.
• Guilt and the belief that you must manage alone.

What to do

1. Share the load: ask family members to take set days or tasks.
2. Take regular breaks and use respite services where available.
3. Join a caregivers' group for support.
4. Keep your own health appointments and talk about low mood.
5. Keep sleep as regular as possible with dark curtains, limited caffeine and light meals on night shifts.
6. Accept that you cannot do everything.

Whom to consult

• Family doctor for your own health, sleep and mood.
• A counsellor or caregivers' support group.
• Your parent's care team or a social worker about respite and help.
• Occupational health at work about shift patterns.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Brother: "What can I take off your plate this week?"
• Grace: "I need two evenings a week. Can you take Mum?"
• Listen without advising too soon.
• Thank her for what she does, and mean it.
• Say: "You matter too."

This book is for education and general awareness. It does not replace diagnosis or treatment by a qualified professional. If anyone is in danger, contact your local emergency services.