The Meeting He Did Not Join

Daniel, thirty-four, a logistics supervisor in Nairobi, had been treated for depression for four months and was doing better. He had not told anyone at work. When a colleague joked in a meeting that a late client was 'me…

Daniel, thirty-four, a logistics supervisor in Nairobi, had been treated for depression for four months and was doing better. He had not told anyone at work. When a colleague joked in a meeting that a late client was 'mental, completely psycho,' the room laughed, and Daniel felt his face go hot.

He began skipping the weekly meeting. He told himself it was safer to say nothing. At night he thought, 'If they knew, they would think I was weak and unfit to lead.' The shame was heavier than the illness had been in some weeks. He nearly stopped his follow-up visits.

His manager, Wanjiru, noticed he was withdrawing. She asked him for a private chat and said, 'You have always done good work, and I want to know if there is anything I can do.' Daniel told her only a little: he was managing a health condition and needed an early finish twice a month for appointments.

She thanked him, said it stayed between them, and the next week quietly asked the team to stop using insulting words about mental health: 'That is not accurate, and it hurts people.' Daniel kept his appointments. The shame did not vanish overnight, but he stopped calling himself a failure and began to see that he had a health condition, not a character flaw.

How to recognise it

• Withdrawal from meetings, social events or responsibilities after hearing stigmatising jokes.

• Secrecy about treatment and fear of being judged or sacked.

• Self-critical thoughts such as 'I am weak.'

• Skipping appointments or hiding medicine because of shame.

• Casual insults such as 'mad', 'mental', 'psycho' being normal in the workplace.

What this story explains

This story shows stigma and self-stigma, and how respectful language, one supportive leader and a person's own choice about who to tell can reduce shame and protect care.

Probable root causes

• Myths and fear of the unknown about mental illness.

• Insulting language and jokes that make a workplace unsafe.

• No clear workplace policy on mental health.

• Cultural beliefs that treat mental illness as weakness or failure.

• Fear of discrimination in work or promotion.

What to do

1. Remind yourself that it is a health condition, not a character flaw.

2. Choose carefully whom to tell, and what to share.

3. Keep every treatment appointment despite the shame.

4. Speak up calmly about insulting jokes, or ask a manager to do so.

5. Talk to a trusted person or a peer support group.

6. Notice self-critical thoughts and challenge them.

Whom to consult

• Treating doctor or psychiatrist if shame is making you stop treatment.

• Counsellor or clinical psychologist for self-stigma and work stress.

• Human resources or a trusted manager for adjustments such as appointment time.

• Emergency service or hospital if hopelessness turns to thoughts of ending life.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Manager: 'You have always done good work. Is there anything that would help?'

• Listen without asking for details they do not offer.

• Address a joke calmly: 'That is not accurate, and it hurts people.'

• Reassure: 'This stays between us.'

• Keep your tone respectful, not pitying.