Brother, Bottle and Blame

Imran, 35, in Kolkata, drinks every evening and more on weekends. He has missed work, lost his temper with his wife and borrowed money. His younger brother Salim is exhausted by lies and promises. He has poured out bottl…

Imran, 35, in Kolkata, drinks every evening and more on weekends. He has missed work, lost his temper with his wife and borrowed money. His younger brother Salim is exhausted by lies and promises. He has poured out bottles, shouted and given ultimatums, but the pattern repeats.

Salim speaks to a counsellor who explains that substance use is a health problem, not just poor character, and that shouting often pushes people to hide. She suggests choosing a calm moment, when Imran is sober, and describing specific worries without blame.

Salim says, "Bhai, I love you. I am scared when you miss work and when you shake in the mornings. Will you see a doctor with me?" Imran bristles at first, then says nothing. Salim leaves it there and tells him the offer stands.

A week later Imran quietly agrees. The doctor explains that stopping heavy drinking suddenly can be dangerous and should be done with medical help. Salim also looks after himself, joining a family support group, because he realises he too needs care. Imran's wife says the house feels calmer simply because people have stopped shouting. Salim learns that his patience and boundaries matter, and that he does not have to rescue his brother alone.

How to recognise it

• Drinking daily, with shaking or sweating if he misses it.

• Missed work, money problems, broken promises.

• Anger, secrecy and denial.

• Family exhausted and arguing.

• Repeated failed attempts to stop alone.

What this story explains

Substance use affects the whole family. Supportive, calm conversation and medical help work better than blame, and caregivers need support too.

Probable root causes

• Habit and physical dependence.

• Stress, grief or underlying mental health problems.

• Social and family patterns.

• Easy availability.

What to do

1. Pick a calm, sober moment.

2. Describe specific behaviours and worries without blame.

3. Offer to go with him to a doctor.

4. Remember that stopping heavy drinking suddenly can be risky, so it needs medical supervision.

5. Avoid covering up or giving money for drink.

6. Look after your own wellbeing too.

Whom to consult

• Family doctor or addiction specialist for a safe plan.

• Psychiatrist or counsellor if there is depression or anxiety.

• Emergency service or nearest hospital for seizures, severe confusion or a very sick person.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Use I-statements: "I am worried about you."

• Stay calm even if he is defensive.

• Offer help, not ultimatums.

• Listen to his side first.