After the Baby

Fatima gave birth to a healthy girl six weeks ago in Dubai, far from her mother in Karachi. Everyone says she should be happy. Instead she cries while feeding and wakes at night even when the baby sleeps. She worries she…

Fatima gave birth to a healthy girl six weeks ago in Dubai, far from her mother in Karachi. Everyone says she should be happy. Instead she cries while feeding and wakes at night even when the baby sleeps. She worries she is a bad mother and sometimes thinks her family would manage better without her.

Her husband works long hours and says, "Everyone is tired with a newborn." Her mother-in-law visits and tells her to eat and rest. Fatima smiles for visitors, then weeps in the bathroom. She feels no joy when the baby smiles and is ashamed of that.

At the baby's check-up, the nurse asks how Fatima herself is doing. Fatima bursts into tears. The nurse explains that a few days of weepiness after birth are common, but low mood lasting weeks, with guilt and no joy, is postnatal depression, an illness that needs care and is nobody's fault. Fatima sees her doctor and also talks to a counsellor. Her husband takes night feeds twice a week, and she calls her mother each evening. Over some weeks, the weight begins to lift.

Fatima later joined a small group of new mothers at the clinic. Hearing others say the same words she had hidden made her feel, for the first time in weeks, understood and less alone.

How to recognise it

• Low mood, tearfulness, guilt or numbness lasting more than two weeks after childbirth.

• Struggling to bond or feeling no joy with the baby.

• Poor sleep even when the baby sleeps, little appetite, strong anxiety.

• Thoughts of being a bad mother or of not wanting to live.

• Hiding feelings from family out of shame.

What this story explains

This story shows depression in women, linked to hormones, life changes and pressure to be happy, and why it must be noticed early.

Probable root causes

• Large hormonal changes after delivery.

• Sleep loss and the demands of a newborn.

• Lack of family or practical support, especially far from home.

• Pressure to be a 'perfect' mother.

• Past depression or difficult pregnancy and birth.

What to do

1. Tell someone how you really feel, such as a partner, nurse or doctor.

2. Share baby care so she can get a longer block of sleep.

3. Keep simple routines of meals, daylight and a short walk.

4. Connect daily with a supportive person.

5. Do not wait for it to pass; seek professional help early.

6. If there are thoughts of harming herself or the baby, keep the baby safe, stay with her and call the local emergency number or go to the nearest hospital.

Whom to consult

• Doctor or gynaecologist at the postnatal check, or family doctor, as soon as low mood lasts beyond two weeks.

• Psychiatrist if symptoms are heavy, with thoughts of self-harm or harm to the baby.

• Counsellor or clinical psychologist for talking support.

• Health visitor or nurse at the baby clinic, who can arrange next steps.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Use a soft tone: "You are not alone in this, and you are not a bad mother."

• Listen without hurrying to fix.

• Ask: "What would help most today?"

• Praise something she did well.

• Offer presence and practical help rather than advice.