The Daughter Who Held Everything Together

Lakshmi, 40, in Hyderabad, looks after her mother who has schizophrenia, her two children, and works part-time. She gives medicines on time, goes to every appointment, and sleeps little. Relatives praise her, but she sna…

Lakshmi, 40, in Hyderabad, looks after her mother who has schizophrenia, her two children, and works part-time. She gives medicines on time, goes to every appointment, and sleeps little. Relatives praise her, but she snaps at her children and cries in the bathroom.

One day she forgets her own medical check-up, then admits to a friend, "I am tired of being strong." The friend says caring for someone is hard and that she is allowed to need help.

Lakshmi talks to her mother's doctor, who connects her to a family support group. She shares the tasks with her brother, who agrees to take the Sunday clinic visit. She asks a cousin to sit with her mother two evenings a week and starts a short walk each morning.

The illness has not changed, but she feels less alone. When she next feels close to breaking down, she talks to the doctor about her own stress. She says, "I learned that looking after myself is not selfish. It is how I keep going." Her children notice that she laughs more, and her mother's doctor reminds the family that a rested carer is the best support a patient can have. Lakshmi keeps one evening a week just for herself, and nobody complains.

How to recognise it

• Caregiver tiredness, irritability and tearfulness.

• Neglect of own health and sleep.

• Feeling alone and carrying everything.

• Guilt about taking time off.

• Comments from others praising strength but offering no help.

What this story explains

Caring for the caregiver is part of family support. Sharing tasks and seeking help keeps the caregiver well enough to continue.

Probable root causes

• Long-term caring duties.

• Lack of shared responsibility.

• Sleep loss and no breaks.

• Stigma that stops asking for help.

What to do

1. Share tasks with other family members.

2. Schedule regular rest and one enjoyable activity.

3. Join a family support group.

4. Keep your own health check-ups.

5. Talk to the doctor about your own stress.

6. Ask for specific help, such as sitting with her for two evenings.

Whom to consult

• Family doctor for your own health and stress.

• Counsellor for caregiver strain.

• Psychiatrist if your own sadness or anxiety becomes severe; emergency service if you ever feel unable to stay safe.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Ask clearly: "Can you come on Tuesdays and Fridays?"

• Accept help with thanks.

• Share how you feel without blame.

• Listen to others' offers.