Appa in the Village

Mr Gowda, 76, lives in a village near Mysuru with his son's family. For months he has been quiet, forgets where he put things, and says, "I am a burden." He sleeps little and eats less. The family thinks it is old age an…

Mr Gowda, 76, lives in a village near Mysuru with his son's family. For months he has been quiet, forgets where he put things, and says, "I am a burden." He sleeps little and eats less. The family thinks it is old age and tells him to rest.

His daughter Kavita visits for a festival and notices he no longer joins in the singing he loved. She sits beside him at dusk and asks, "Appa, what has been the heaviest thing lately?" He says he feels useless since his wife died, and sometimes wishes he would not wake up.

Kavita does not panic. She thanks him for telling her and asks if he has thought of ending his life. He says he has not made plans, but the thoughts frighten him. She says, "We will get help for this."

The next day she takes him to the doctor, who checks his health, sleep and memory, and explains that sadness in older people can be treated. The family arranges company, daily walks, and visits from neighbours. They also make sure someone is with him, and keep medicines safely stored. Neighbours begin to drop by in the evenings, and his grandchildren sit with him to share their school news. Some evenings he even hums an old song, and the family quietly takes this as a good sign.

How to recognise it

• Withdrawal, poor sleep, appetite loss, feeling like a burden.

• Memory complaints that may be linked to low mood or health issues.

• Loss of enjoyment after bereavement.

• Comments about wishing not to wake up.

• Family dismissing it as normal ageing.

What this story explains

Older adults can have depression that is mistaken for ageing. The chapter's special considerations remind families to listen, ask directly and involve a doctor.

Probable root causes

• Grief and loneliness.

• Physical illness and pain.

• Loss of role and independence.

• Possible memory or other medical conditions.

What to do

1. Sit with him quietly and ask open questions.

2. Ask directly whether he has thoughts of ending life.

3. Never leave him alone if he talks of suicide; contact emergency help.

4. Arrange a full health check with a doctor.

5. Increase company, routine and gentle activity.

6. Store medicines and tools safely.

Whom to consult

• Family doctor for health and mood check.

• Psychiatrist or geriatric specialist if low mood or memory trouble continues.

• Emergency service or hospital if he speaks of a plan or cannot be kept safe.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Speak slowly and warmly: "You matter to us, Appa."

• Ask directly: "Have you had thoughts of ending your life?"

• Listen without judging.

• Use his language and respect his dignity.