Little Zara Learns to Wait

Zara is three and lives in Nairobi with her mother Wanjiru, who returned to work a month ago. Zara used to be sunny, but now she screams at drop-off, throws food and has started saying 'no' to everything. Her grandmother…

Zara is three and lives in Nairobi with her mother Wanjiru, who returned to work a month ago. Zara used to be sunny, but now she screams at drop-off, throws food and has started saying 'no' to everything. Her grandmother says, "She is spoiling." Wanjiru feels torn and tired.

A nurse at the clinic asks how Zara plays, sleeps and shows feelings. She explains that at this age children are still learning to manage big emotions, and that tantrums often show a need for connection, routine and predictability. Babies and young children need responsive adults, play and steady routines, and early relationships build the base for later mental health.

Wanjiru tries some changes: a short, warm goodbye ritual, ten minutes of floor play each evening with no phone, naming feelings, and a firm but kind way of saying no. When Zara cries, she says, "You are sad. I am here." Within weeks, the screaming eases. Wanjiru starts to see that small, steady moments of attention build the resilience that helps children handle change later in life.

Her grandmother, who had once said Zara was spoiling, now joins the evening play. She laughs that she is learning parenting all over again, and enjoying it more this time.

How to recognise it

• Tantrums, clinging or sleep and feeding changes after a change in routine.

• A child who shows distress through behaviour as she lacks words.

• Signs of healthy development: playing, responding to voices and bonding, which can return with support.

• Warning signs that need review: little eye contact, no babbling or words, loss of skills, or ongoing extreme distress.

• Parents who are tired, guilty or unsupported.

What this story explains

This story shows infancy and early childhood needs, common challenges, supportive parenting and the ways resilience is built.

Probable root causes

• Big changes such as a parent returning to work or a new carer.

• Normal stage of learning to handle strong feelings.

• Tiredness, hunger or too many demands.

• Inconsistent routines or limits.

• Stress in the parents or home.

What to do

1. Keep daily routines for meals, sleep and play predictable.

2. Prepare the child for changes with simple words and a goodbye ritual.

3. Spend short, focused time playing together each day.

4. Name feelings and stay calm during tantrums.

5. Set clear, kind limits and keep them consistent.

6. Look after your own rest and ask family for support.

Whom to consult

• Paediatrician or child health nurse for regular development checks.

• Family doctor if sleep, feeding or behaviour worries continue.

• Child psychologist or developmental specialist if speech, play or bonding seem delayed, or skills are lost.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Use a calm, gentle voice and get to her level.

• Say: "You feel angry. I am here. We can try again."

• Use simple words and short sentences.

• Give her your full attention for a few minutes.

• Praise specific actions, such as 'You waited so well'.