Standing Beside Ana

Ana, thirty, a nurse in Lisbon, was attacked on her way home from a late shift. She was not seriously injured and told the police. Her friend Joao stays with her that first weekend. Ana is jumpy, cannot sleep, and keeps …

Ana, thirty, a nurse in Lisbon, was attacked on her way home from a late shift. She was not seriously injured and told the police. Her friend Joao stays with her that first weekend. Ana is jumpy, cannot sleep, and keeps saying it was her fault for walking home alone.

Joao wants to fix it. He first says, "You should have taken a taxi," and sees Ana's face fall. He stops, apologises and asks, "What would help right now?" Ana says she would like someone to sit with her while she makes a phone call. Over the next weeks he keeps checking in, does not ask for details and lets her choose when to talk.

Ana sees her doctor, who explains that strong shock reactions in the first weeks are common, and that most ease with safety, rest and support. She keeps a regular routine, uses grounding when fear rises, and later starts therapy because the nightmares continue. Months later she says, "What helped most was that he never made me explain myself." She also talks about feeling stronger, even grateful for the way her friendships deepened.

Joao says he learned that being useful does not always mean doing something. Sometimes it means staying close, keeping quiet and being there again on the next Saturday.

How to recognise it

• Shock, numbness, jumpiness and sleep trouble in the days after a frightening event.

• Self-blame or shame, even when the person did nothing wrong.

• Wanting to avoid places or talk about it.

• Needing safety and control more than advice.

• Reactions that continue beyond a month or worsen, signalling need for professional help.

What this story explains

This story shows how to support someone after trauma, early stress reactions, and the possibility of post-traumatic growth.

Probable root causes

• A sudden, frightening event that broke the sense of safety.

• Self-blame and shame, often from comments by others.

• Disturbed sleep and constant alertness.

• Lack of calm, believing support afterwards.

• Reminders such as places, sounds or times of day.

What to do

1. Make sure the person is safe and has practical help first.

2. Offer to be near, and let her decide how much to say.

3. Help her keep sleep, food and simple routines.

4. Teach or practise grounding together.

5. Encourage reporting and medical care when she wants them.

6. Suggest professional help if distress continues past a few weeks.

Whom to consult

• Family doctor or emergency department for any physical injury or immediate health needs.

• Clinical psychologist trained in trauma for lasting symptoms.

• Psychiatrist if sleep, anxiety or low mood are severe.

• Local emergency service at once if the person is in danger or talks of ending life.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Use a gentle, steady tone: "I believe you. It was not your fault."

• Ask permission: "Would you like company, or space?"

• Listen without interrupting or fixing.

• Avoid advice about what she should have done.

• Tell her that you will keep checking in, and do so.