Aarav Who Would Not Speak

Aarav, six, is chatty and funny at home in Kolkata, but at school he does not say a single word. When the teacher asks him a question, he freezes and looks down. At the school gate he clings to his mother, cries and begs…

Aarav, six, is chatty and funny at home in Kolkata, but at school he does not say a single word. When the teacher asks him a question, he freezes and looks down. At the school gate he clings to his mother, cries and begs, "Don't go." Some mornings he complains of tummy aches.

His teacher wonders if he is rude or slow. His grandmother says he is spoilt. His mother, who has been dropping him later and later, feels guilty and exhausted. At a birthday party he whispered only to her.

The school counsellor met the family and explained that Aarav is not being stubborn. Two things are happening: strong fear of being apart from his mother, called separation anxiety, and an anxiety-based inability to speak in some places, called selective mutism. His parents and teacher worked together. Goodbyes became short and predictable, a small drawing from home went into his bag, and he was allowed to answer first with nods, then whispers, then words, without pressure. After a few months, he told his teacher, "My name is Aarav," and she smiled with tears in her eyes.

His mother also learned to take small steps herself, letting Aarav cope with a few minutes of discomfort. She says the change in her own worry was as important as the change in him.

How to recognise it

• Extreme distress at separation from a parent, with crying, clinging or tummy aches.

• Speaking freely at home but staying silent at school or with strangers for more than a month.

• Refusing school, sleepovers or being alone in a room.

• Worries about harm coming to parents.

• Lasting beyond usual early-childhood fears and affecting learning and friendships.

What this story explains

This story shows separation anxiety and selective mutism in children and how family and school support them.

Probable root causes

• A naturally shy or sensitive temperament.

• Family history of anxiety.

• Big change such as a new school or house move.

• Overprotection that unintentionally limits coping practice.

• Fear linked to an illness, loss or frightening event.

What to do

1. Tell the child that you understand and that school is safe and you will return.

2. Keep goodbyes short, warm and the same every day.

3. Work with the teacher on a gradual plan, starting with non-verbal answers.

4. Never pressure the child to speak; reward brave attempts.

5. Create low-pressure chances to talk with one friend at a time.

6. Keep routines predictable at home.

Whom to consult

• Paediatrician or family doctor to rule out health causes.

• School counsellor to plan support in class.

• Child psychologist or child psychiatrist if the problem lasts beyond a few weeks or school is being missed.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Use a soft, warm voice and get down to the child's eye level.

• Say: "I know it feels scary. I will come back after school."

• Accept nods and gestures as answers.

• Avoid asking many questions at once.

• Notice and name bravery: "You waved goodbye today."