Too Loud, Too Quiet

At a family wedding in Kochi, eight-year-old Nila covered her ears, hid under a table and then screamed when an aunt tried to hug her. The music was loud, the lights were flashing, the hall smelt of strong perfume and fl…

At a family wedding in Kochi, eight-year-old Nila covered her ears, hid under a table and then screamed when an aunt tried to hug her. The music was loud, the lights were flashing, the hall smelt of strong perfume and flowers, and the silk of her new dress itched. Her mother, Divya, felt embarrassed and then guilty.

Divya took her to a quiet side room, dimmed the lights and sat with her, saying little. She rubbed Nila's back only after asking, 'Would you like a hug or just me sitting here?' Nila whispered, 'Just sitting.' After ten minutes of slow breathing and a sip of water, Nila calmed. Divya realised her daughter was overloaded: too many sights, sounds, smells and textures at once.

Later Divya spoke to Nila's paediatrician, who talked about sensory sensitivity and suggested ways to help: quieter breaks, soft clothes, earplugs for loud events and giving warning before changes. If the difficulties were severe or frequent, the doctor said, an assessment by a child specialist could be helpful.

The other side of the story was Nila's grandfather, Appu, who lived alone and rarely left his dark flat. He spoke to no one for days and said the days felt flat. Divya brought him to her house on Sundays for sunlight, music and a hug from the grandchildren. 'Too little is also hard,' she told Nila. 'Both too much and too little can upset the mind. We are looking for balance.'

How to recognise it

• Covering ears, hiding, meltdown or irritability in noisy, bright or crowded places.

• Discomfort with certain clothes, textures or smells.

• Calming quickly when taken to a quiet place.

• The opposite: loneliness, long hours in a dark, silent or inactive environment.

• Difficulties that happen often and affect school, family events or daily life.

What this story explains

This story shows sensory overload and sensory deprivation, and how touch and boundaries matter. It teaches that people differ in sensitivity, and that both too much and too little stimulation can upset the mind.

Probable root causes

• Natural differences in sensory sensitivity, sometimes linked to conditions such as autism or anxiety.

• Crowded, noisy, bright and strongly scented environments.

• Tiredness and hunger that lower tolerance.

• Social isolation and monotonous surroundings in older or lonely people.

• Lack of warning or choice in handling touch and routines.

What to do

1. Move to a quieter, calmer space and reduce stimulation.

2. Ask before touching or hugging, and respect the answer.

3. Use earplugs, sunglasses or soft clothing when needed.

4. Offer slow breathing or simple grounding, such as noticing five things you can see.

5. Give advance notice of loud or crowded events and plan breaks.

6. For isolated people, add gentle company, daylight, music and activity.

Whom to consult

• Paediatrician for a child with frequent sensory distress or meltdowns.

• Child psychologist or developmental specialist for assessment if difficulties are significant.

• Occupational therapist for practical sensory strategies.

• Family doctor or counsellor for an older person who is lonely or withdrawn.

Do and don’t

How to behave and communicate

• Speak softly, with few words: 'I am here. We can go somewhere quiet.'

• Offer choices: 'Hug or sit together?'

• Wait and listen; do not argue during overload.

• Avoid shaming in front of others.

• For isolated people, say 'I would love your company on Sunday.'